


Her Secret Need

by LateStageInfernalism



Category: GWA - Fandom, Original Work, gonewildaudio - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Fsub, Gonewildaudio, L-Bombs, Understanding, audio script., big feels, f4m - Freeform, healthy kink, internalized shame, rough consensual sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:42:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28244871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LateStageInfernalism/pseuds/LateStageInfernalism
Kudos: 2
Collections: LateStageInfernalism's Audio Scripts





	Her Secret Need

[F4M] Her Secret Need [Rough Consensual Sex] [Fsub] [Big Feels] [L-Bombs] [Internalized Shame] [Understanding] and [Healthy Kink] 

Please feel free to adapt, redact, modify or interpret my scripts any way you choose. I consider myself your collaborator, and I am grateful for your efforts.

This is a fantasy by adults, for adults, and about adults.

Emphasis noted by *asterisks* / (notes like emotion or speech) / [Sound FX. Optional]

This is about a young woman who had a rather unhealthily strict upbringing coming to terms with desires that she feels are aberrant and wrong. The listener is the understanding boyfriend who works through it with her patiently and shows that he can give her what she needs. This expresses some of my own longest held hangups which have their roots in unhealthy dogma.   
I think that this could be flipped to F4F pretty quickly, and if anyone wants to give it a try, I’m game.

[Knocking sound, door opening]

(Sad or tense) Hi.

I know I said that I couldn’t see you tonight. I lied. 

Why? Because I’m a coward. But I can’t do this anymore. I needed to talk to you now before I lose what little courage I have.

[Deep sigh] I think we should break up.

No! No, it’s not that. I *do* care for you. I-I think I love you.

God no! I’m not…I’d *never* cheat on you. Ever. Please don’t think that.

I just…I can’t go into it, ok? 

Because…because I’d rather break up with you on good terms than get dumped when you find out what I’m really like…

(Louder, Tenser) I’m…I’m disgusting, ok? Is that what you need to hear? It really isn’t you at all. It’s me!

Can’t you just accept it?! This is hard enough as it is. There’s no benefit in you knowing…

Do you really want to know? 

Fine. I’ll tell you. And then you can kick me out.

[Sigh] At least it will be a clean break.

I know that I shouldn’t be asking you for anything, but…would you mind making me something to drink?

Thank you. Scotch, please. A lot of it.

[Sound of ice in a glass and/or pouring]

Yeah, we can sit on your couch. Just, um, let me finish, ok? I know what *usually* happens when I start out sitting here, and as lovely as it is…I need to get through this so you can get on with your life.

I was raised pretty severely. You know that. 

I was supposed to be God’s special little virgin until I met the Right Man who would basically buy me from my dad and then take me into his house and I’d make a million babies with him and never ever have to think for myself again. 

Luckily, I fell in with the Wrong Crowd, as my mom would tell you. I drank. I listened to music that was angry and sexy. I even smoked a cigarette once.

Yeah, I know my hair was dyed when you met me. I guess I was still “wild” then. [Laughs]

I wasn’t a virgin, you know. You weren’t my first.

Oh…you knew? How?

[Embarrassed Laugh] The blowjobs were too good? Oh jeez…

And it doesn’t bother you? That I lied?

Well, ok I didn’t lie. What I mean is that I never told you that I wasn’t a virgin. I let you believe that I was…you know…pure.

You say that…but…everyone knows it matters.

No…this isn’t why I’m breaking up with you. I’m just…you know…showing how you can’t trust me.

Oh my god, fine, I believe you! You’re just the first guy I’ve dated who didn’t care that I had sex before them.

Well, yeah, I guess I did have kind of shitty boyfriends before you. [Laughs]

(Sadly, Getting More Worked Up) But that’s the problem, isn’t it? You’re *not* shitty. You deserve better.

Ok, ok, fine. I’m…getting to it, ok? I’m not trying to draw this out, believe me. I just want you to understand…so you know you’re not losing anything.

Um. So…you know…sometimes, how we fool around…

[Laughs] Fine, I’ll use the word. Sometimes, when we *fuck*, I get kind of closed down?

Yeah…most of the time it goes like this…

We sit on this couch…and you look at me…like you are now…

And you lean in…and I just sort of melt into your lips…

[Soft kissing noises, building in intensity]

Fuck, you’re hand…on my breast…yes, take off my shirt…

Shit, no…

No, stop, stop! I don’t want this!

I mean I do, but, goddammit! Why are you making this so hard?

[Laughs] Ok I guess this conversation isn’t the *only* thing that’s hard. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to work you up. 

I’m really fucking this up. I don’t know what to do, and it's killing me, ok? I thought breaking up would be the best way, the easiest way…but….I don’t want to. I want to be with you, like this.

[Deep breath] All right. You’ve always been such a good listener. I’ll…just explain this to you, and then…maybe we can talk about it. If you want to dump me though, I won’t be angry, ok?

All right. So when we get into it, and you’ve got my clothes off, and you’re going down on me or fingering me or….whatever….most of the time things go well, right?

Yeah…we fuck and I cum…more than once. And you cum in me, and I love it and its great.

But…sometimes…I just…can’t. And I don’t get wet, and I shut down, and it’s just awful. Especially for you.

You never make me feel bad, you hold me and kiss me, and it's, and the next day we pretend like everything is fine, but it isn’t. 

For one thing, I can tell that you’re frustrated. You don’t act mean or anything, but…it takes you a long time to, um, relax. And…and I don’t take care of you like I should. I’m just afraid that if I start again, I might…ask you do things.

For another, you blame yourself. I know you do. You aks me sometimes if you did something wrong…but you never do. And I tell you that, but, you know I’m lying. Or not telling you something.

Well, you never did anything wrong, ok? I just wasn’t telling you what kind of…of freak that I am.

Please. I may not be religious anymore, but I know the difference between healthy and…wrong. And I’m wrong, ok? And I can’t get better, and my therapist tells me that I might never change and…

[Sigh] Yeah, I’ve been seeing a therapist for this. I wanted to get over it, but…they’re not helping! 

They listen to me, sure, and they’re very supportive, but they won’t do anything to…you know…help me change!

They keep saying that it’s “normal.” As if anyone would think this is normal.

I’m sorry, I know that I’m not making sense. 

Those times, when I shut down? I’m still really aroused. And I still really want *you*. I just…I need you to…fuck. Let me just…

[Sound of drinking, ice in glass clinking, etc]

Fine! I need you to be rough with me, ok? 

Are you going to make me say it? I want you to put your hand in my hair and grip it! I want you to spank me when I’m a little bratty and push me to my knees when you want me to blow you. I want you to push me on my back and pin my arms when you fuck me…like…like your forcing me…

I don’t just want it. Sometimes I…I *need* it. I think about it all the time, too. When I’m at work sometimes, you text me and say something sweet and loving and…I wonder what it would be like if you forced me right there…at my desk.

What do I mean? Well, like you…come up behind me…and you pull my chair out and pull me out of it. Harshly. 

And then you feel me up, really roughly, and I love it. Like…like I’m your property.

I ask you what you’re doing, but you just chuckle. It’s so sinister, but it just turns me on more. You spin me around and push me back, then. You’ve unbuttoned my blouse while I wasn’t paying attention, and I feel so exposed. Then you just…get on your knees and lick me right through my jeans. You know? And bite my thigh and kiss me and sort of eat me out but I’m still dressed, and It’s so hot for some reason. Like you can’t even wait. But I also can’t feel your lips and tongue like I want to.

I ask you to take my jeans off. I beg you. You won’t, and I start to unbutton them. You grab my wrists and then pin them with just one hand. You’re so much stronger and bigger than I am. I love it. I tell you that I love it. You look at me…with heat. And you laugh at me. You laugh at how helpless I am, and I don’t get angry, I get desperate. I need your cock inside me. I need you to hurt me, choke me! I can’t help it!

And that’s usually when I would drag myself back to reality, sweating and…wet…back in my office chair. Wishing so badly for you.

Don’t you understand? You’re…you’re a good man. You’d never beat or choke or hurt me. And it's awful for me to want such things! I know that. 

Don’t lie to me, just to make me feel better! I may not be as worldly as you, but I’m still…

No, I mean, of course, I trust you. I love you, and I believe in you. 

I really don’t want to break up with you…I just can’t think of any other way. It isn’t right that you have to be with someone like me.

[Deep sigh] Fine. I mean, you’re right. You listened to me, so it's only fair that I listen to you. 

[Long pause, enough for someone to say a few sentences]

(This is supposed to be a skeptical noise, but she’s still attentively listening) Hmmm.

[Another long pause]

(Very skeptical) You don’t really believe that. 

Because you can’t. No-one would think that what I want is…natural. I mean I was almost too embarrassed to even talk about it, much less…do it.

No! I know it’s wrong. I know…back when we started dating, that I still handsome hangups, about sex. It made me feel dirty even when I wanted it and knew you were the right guy. I felt bad about the other people, but you helped me see that it is all right to have more than one partner, and I love you for it. But this is different!

How? Well, it’s…not natural! You know it’s true. It’s sick. *I’m* sick.

You can say that all you want but I know it’s just because you…

[Kissing noise]

That’s…not fair. It’s just going to make things harder when I…mmmm.

[More kissing noises, getting intense]

Fuck. I’m having a little difficulty thinking right now…but…we have to settle this. Now that you know the kind of thing I really need…

(Skeptical, a little aroused) So…you’re telling me that you’d be willing to…do the things I want you to. Wouldn’t it disgust you?

I mean…yeah, I want you to. I don’t want anyone else! I just never thought…you’d be all right with it. You’re so…so *safe*.

[Laughs] I don’t mean it as an insult. I mean that…you’re the first man that I’ve ever felt safe letting my guard down around like this. That’s part of what I love about you. I trust you. Completely.

Um. So…does that mean we can…you know…tonight?

(Embarrassed but eager) Oh my god, are you going to make me say it? It’s so embarrassing!

Well, ok. If…if you think it’s hot, then I’ll do it. I’ll do…anything for you.

Will you fuck me, please? Will you be harsh with me? Will…will you pull my hair…and maybe choke me a little? 

God…the way you said that it just…sent shivers down my spine. I love it when you get possessive with me in bed. I really, really want to be yours. I *am* yours.

Oh! I guess we do need a safe word. Um. How about, uh, Vodka. I don’t like it, so I don’t say it a lot.

So…um…what do you want me to…ahh!

[Noise of surprise that blends into a moan]

You just grabbed my hair and…

[Harsh kissing, moans]

Fuck, I’ve never seen you like this!

Yes! I’m getting down on my hands and knees.

Oh fuck, are y-you going to fuck me right here on the hardwood floor? [Sound of surprise]

Yes, just push my skirt up and take what’s yours. Tear my panties off if they’re in your way!

[Sound of cloth tearing]

I’ve never been this wet, baby…please. Please fuck me. Fuck me and use me. Please, baby. I’m begging you.

Don’t make me wait…you’re so cruel…

[Gasp or cry as entered roughly]

Fuck. Yes…do me…

[Sex starts here, wet, and probably some hard fucking noises. Please add moans and whimpers and anything you like. Improve new lines or change the ones that exist. I trust you.]

Mmm…yeah…hard, baby, please. Fuck me…fuck me like I’m your little slut! 

Yeah, you like hearing me talk like that? Ah!

You’re pushing my head down…into the floor. Oh fuck, fuck this is so good.

I can take it…I can take it…fuck me harder, please, harder!

Yes…I love it, baby…I love you!

You’re hand on my throat…yes…it belongs there!

I can’t…I’m having…a little trouble…breathing…I’m so…close

Yes…oh god…I feel you…you’re cumming inside me. I can’t wait anymore! I…I love you!

[Improv to orgasm]

[Panting]

[Tender, slow kissing]

[Delighted laugh] Hey! You don’t need to carry me off…you already had me…

Oh? Are you going to give me a bath?

Yeah…that does sound…really nice. Are you always going to take care of me like this after you use me so well?

Wow. I feel pretty silly right now. I should have spoken to you earlier. I just…couldn’t imagine…that you'd ever be willing to do this for me...

[Tender kissing]

Yeah. I think that we’ll work out after all. [Satified noise]


End file.
